Thoughts on "Captivating" by John & Staci Eldredge

Briefly for now -- but I want to come back to this when I have [make] the time.

My earliest wound, that I can remember? Probably my Daddy telling me that "he had to let us girls go with Alan" - my soon to be stepdad. I was 7 that summer, and had always been Daddy's Little Girl. I knew I was loved and cherished by my Daddy (and my Mom, too), and everything was right in my world. Never even had a thought that there were issues between by parents, even -- at least they did that part right, huh? But my 7 yr old memory always has my Daddy telling me he was "letting me go" or in my mind "giving me away."

My message from that wound? "You aren't worth keeping"? Maybe. "You are easy to leave/give away"? Maybe that too. I'm sure I've shared with my Dad how my memory of that day (and the several days before we left) stayed with me -- and he has told me that was not how he remembered telling me what happened. But to be Daddy's Little Girl for 7 years, and then be told your Daddy was letting you go without a fight... it has given me insight into myself for some time now, but I had never thought about the "message" part I took with me -- that I still take with me in my life now.

My 'claiming' & 'reacting' to that message? I can think of several things. I found my one area I was gifted in -- academic -- became my "only" way to make others proud & happy with me. I was otherwise nothing special, or so I thought. I wasn't "pretty" or "thin" or part of the "in crowd" -- ever. But why? was it self-proclaimed because that is how I defined not worthy of being Daddy's Little Girl anymore?

Funny thing is, I've always thought that I didn't care how I looked, or more importantly what OTHERS thought of how I looked. It has actually been a point of pride for me -- I'm not as vain and materialistic as I could be -- I am who I am, and people take me as I am, or they can just not take me at all. And for the most part, people take me as I am. I don't wear the latest fashions or any makeup; I wear whatever style & color of shoes I happen to like, no matter the season, or how worn out they may be. But was all this one of my claiming & reacting to my early wound/message?

Here's my initial thoughts:
1) There's no point in trying to be 'pretty' or 'thin' or 'IN' -- I'm not... my Daddy basically told me so. Why bother trying to be something I'm not; something being "lovely" or "worthy of love."
2) Maybe my outward message to the world is: "It's OK if you don't love me, want me, desire me -- I'm not giving you any reasons to, anyway -- because there are none."

wow. Those are some thoughts I will need to chew on for a while, and then figure out what they really mean for me now -- where to I go from here?

One last thought: as I was reading the book and thinking about being "Daddy's Little Girl" that lost Daddy's love.... I've always been God's Little Girl -- and He has rescued me and fought for me so many times in my life (which I can look back & see, but didn't see at the time). Yet I did the same thing to Him -- I did so many things and made so many choices in my young adult life, basically saying to God: :"Look, it's OK if you want to give me up too, I'm giving you lots of reasons to leave me, and no reason to stay."

wow.